An outline of Kenya filled in with a rainbow.
"I married according to our age-old tradition, where if a woman was not lucky enough to have her own children, she got another woman to honour her with children." – Juliana Soi.
It’s easy to view history as a single continuous line of progress, especially when looking through a queer lens. This, however, ignores the complexity of real cultures and beliefs. This approach to history often exists as a comfort from the harms of modern society, highlighting the growth and change for marginalized people today.
Reality continues to be much more complex and beautiful. Though some may take comfort in the idea of a steady uphill climb, neither the caverns and dips nor the steep spikes of our past and future are without precedent. Sometimes these changes come from the embrace of tradition and cultural values that have been forgotten or erased from popularity. One well-maintained tradition, though it does not fit into the modern narrative of queerness and growth within the country, is Kenya’s custom of women-to-women marriages.
This tradition can be traced back as far as the eighteenth century, though it likely existed before then and is not exclusive to Kenya. Ethnic groups around sub-Saharan Africa such as the Kamba, Igbo, Kalabari, Simbiti, Kikuyu, Nuer, Dinka, Kimutu, Nnobi, Gusii, Lovedu, and Dahomey have similar customs. Of course, each culture has its own unique take and practices. The Nandi were chosen to focus on because of the current reaction to these marriages from the Kenyan government.
It would be a struggle to overestimate colonialism’s effect in Kenya, particularly in the upkeep of history and tradition. In both everyday life and in larger theoretical discussions, the impact of the British Invasion and subsequent exploitation of Kenyan people and resources must be kept in mind. Countless bits of culture have been erased, and the Kenyan government must constantly battle this truth. The role of the government is intended to be one of service rather than of control. Within the Judicature Act it is explicitly written:
“The High Court, the Court of Appeal and subordinate courts shall be guided by African customary law in civil cases in which one or more parties is subject to it or affected by it, so far as it is applicable and is not repugnant to justice and morality or inconsistent with any written law; and shall decide all such cases according to substantial justice without undue regard to technicalities of procedure and without undue delay.”
This means that customs from the many groups within Kenya must be protected under the law so long as they do not go against any written law. This is where the women of Nandi come in.
The Nandi have a heavy emphasis on giving birth to sons in order to pass on property, and so the position of a woman who is unable or unwilling to do so is an unstable one at best. When a Nandi woman reaches the age of menopause or has been widowed, she has a few options. She may adopt a son from a neighbouring town, reconcile with the idea that the property she holds will not stay in the family, or she may marry another woman.
For some, this is a purely economic decision. If a woman is left with the land after her husband passes or is unable to conceive, her family has no rights to the land or property, and it will go on to someone else.
It may also be a decision made out of regard for status. No matter how they are brought into the family, having sons is a symbol of status. Additionally, when a woman makes the decision to marry another woman, she effectively becomes a man in the eyes of society. She is no longer expected to perform traditionally feminine tasks and is welcomed into ceremonies typically reserved for men.
There are also many reasons a Nandi woman of marriageable age might choose to marry an older woman. It can be that she has been deemed unmarriable. She may be afraid of the violence that may come with marriage to a man, as these women-to-women marriages are known to involve less violence. She may have had a child out of wedlock and know that this is a good option to make sure the child has an inheritance.
It is also worth noting that after the marriage ceremony, the “female husbands” (the older women) are expected to have no sexual relationships with any gender. This rule allows women-to-women marriages to avoid violating Kenyan laws against homosexuality.
By that same logic, it must also be acknowledged that there is a powerful incentive for the women in these marriages to lie about any sexual nature between them. They could not only have their marriage delegitimized and their children inheritance-less, but they would also face legal consequences.
Though it is widely held that these marriages are exclusively platonic, there is little evidence to support the claim across the board.
Like all marriages, these women-to-women marriages are influenced by a number of factors aside from sexual and romantic attraction and are often calculated decisions. It’s true that throughout history, sexual intercourse hasn’t always played a major role in marriage. In parts of Europe, for instance, sex motivated by anything other than conception has been taboo and faced explicit bans. Yet it is rare for these marriages to be dismissed as platonic.
Further, any lack of sexual relationship between two married women doesn’t necessitate a platonic relationship. In addition to safety concerns in regards to Kenyan laws, asexual women have existed and continue to exist. Regardless of the reason, women-to-women marriages without sex can be equally fulfilling and possibly romantic.
Of course, when discussing women-to-women marriages, it’s worth acknowledging the experience of the partner expected to give birth to a son. Her sexual partner was often chosen by her wife, but it’s clear that she also played a part in approving whoever was chosen and had the power to reject someone if she wanted to.
Though she was permitted to seek out relationships aside from her female-husband and the partner they chose, it was neither expected nor required. The child would not have a relationship with the person who happens to be their biological father at all.
Once born, the child would be the son of the two women, leaving the biological father no obligation or rights to him. Instead, the female-husband took on the role of the father and fulfilled all the ideals that came with the title.
While female-husbands are not required to adhere to the same rules as other men, many take on the role happily and refuse any task intended for women. Taptuwei, a female-husband, said:
“No, I don’t (carry things on my head). That is a woman’s duty and nothing to do with me. I became a man and I am a man and that is all. Why should I assume women’s work anymore?”
While the women-to-women marriages practiced by the Nandi aren’t inherently a queer practice, it’s a practice that may be appealing to queer women. It’s an option that can be taken advantage of and almost certainly has been.
Some historians have argued that this interpretation is an invention of the West attempting to insert queerness in a country with none; that is unequivocally false. Though missionaries violently destroyed many parts of Kenyan culture and history, the evidence exists. The history is rich and continues on. Queer people have existed in Kenya and will continue to exist. And for some queer women, these marriages were and are a safe option to live the best lives they can.
Because customary law is defined as “The law consisting of customs that are accepted as legal requirements or obligatory rules of conduct, practices and beliefs that are so vital and intrinsic a part of social and economic system that it is treated as if they were laws,” women-to-women marriages continue to be protected. Hopefully, they will continue on long into the future. Nandi culture deserves to be protected and allowed to thrive, queer or otherwise. This is just another way in which society adapts to the fact that gender and sexuality do not always fit binary and heterosexist ideas.
[Disclaimer: some of the sources may contain triggering material]
Boakye, B. (2018 April). The fascinating history of Africa’s female husbands. Retrieved from https://face2faceafrica.com/article/fascinating-history-africas-female-husbands
Cadigan, R. (1998). Woman-to-woman marriage: practices and benefits in Sub-Saharan Africa. Retrieved from https://media.smith.edu/media/assistivetech/atlibrary/cardigan_woman.pdf
Oboler, R. (1980). Is the Female Husband a Man? Woman/Woman Marriage among the Nandi of Kenya. Ethnology, 19(1), 69-88. doi:10.2307/3773320
Ojwang, J., & Kinama, E. (2014). Woman-to-Woman Marriage: A Cultural Paradox in Contemporary Africa's Constitutional Profile. Verfassung Und Recht in Übersee / Law and Politics in Africa, Asia and Latin America, 47(4), 412-433. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/43239752
Telewa, M. (2012 February). Kenya's legal same-sex marriages. Retrieved from https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-16871435
The Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya. (2016 February). Research on the Lived Experiences of LBQ Women in Kenya. Retrieved from https://issuu.com/galckkenya/docs/research_on_the_lived_experiences_o
The International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association. (2011 July). Kenya: Mombasa Court Recognizes Woman to Woman Marriage. Retrieved from https://ilga.org/kenya-mombasa-court-recognizes-woman-to-woman-marriage